Update: Anna is smiling a little more and a little stronger. She is eager to eat but chokes when she tries to. Very pale and thin. They spent all day changing their minds constantly on if they wanted to do a CT scan or surgery or both. They were concerned about the CT scan because her throat is swollen and they are afraid the sedative will cause breathing problems. And they weren’t entirely sure that surgery was needed. But the mass seems to be getting bigger so they are doing a CT scan tomorrow for sure. And if they do surgery, they will go through her mouth because the mass is between her spine and throat. Visitors are welcome still. If you bring your kids, just make sure they are quiet because Anna gets scared easily. But on a positive note, the staff here is so great! Anna has been spoiled with so many toys, a handmade sign for her door, decorations, etc. Everyone here just loves her.
I feel bad. I poured my heart out to someone who would fix my life, but what if being with me ruins theirs :(
You promised me you wouldn’t push me away, and then you did, at the worst possible time, when I needed you most Jay. I did see it coming. But the thing is, I’m not mad. But I do personally feel that you stopped talking to me when you poured your heart out to me because you got scared of actually being happy for once. Like it was too good to be true. But it’s not…I’m the real thing. I could fix your life yes, but no, you wouldn’t ruin mine. The only thing that could ruin things is continuing to do what you’re doing by avoiding me. We actually had a good thing starting. We understand each other. We click so well. We are opposite, which is a good thing. We were friends first, and the emotional came before the physical. And I value our friendship over anything else, and am not the clingy type, and didn’t make anything definite, you know this. It’s like one day you were losing sleep just to talk to me all day and then the next day you just stopped talking to me and started obsessing over an ex whom sounds nice but couldn’t accept your flaws, and you just randomly got really depressed. An ex is an ex for a reason. And I meant every word when I poured my heart out back. I’ve been here all along for you, through everything. And the only thing that hurt me was that I felt like the hell I’ve been going through this week with Anna meant nothing to you. You just can’t do this to me, you can’t push me away even as a friend. I need you right now. And you need me. We should be supporting each other through these hard times over everything else.